I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
