hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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