ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
