I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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