I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
