I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
