I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
