there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
