so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
