I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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