Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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