i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
