Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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