worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
