I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
