somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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