Soap is not a condiment
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Two words: blizzard sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
