id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There's even glitter on my cock...
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