remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
