Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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