i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
