hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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