I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
