somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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