We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
