They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
