Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
