sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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