i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
