In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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