New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
