but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
