He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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