i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
