omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
