rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
