Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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