The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
