i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
