I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
