My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
