I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The best revenge is premature balding
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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