At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
