I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
