Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
