I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
