the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
