Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
