The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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