I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
