I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
