Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
