listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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