We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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