Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
