First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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