She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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